Courage envy | Work Life Balance of a Mother

Have you ever had “courage envy”? That some people can just do whatever they want and not consider the impact on anyone else, just leave everything behind and take off?

We got one at work recently who just quit his job after coming back from a long holiday, no notice, no sign, just a holiday plus resignation. Gone in a sec and never going to see him coming back to work. Honestly, based on his work ethic, I wasn’t surprised but was still a bit shocked by his action.

On one hand, I didn’t think he’s reliable at all; on the other hand, I kinda wish I could just do the same. Well, depends on how much unhappy you are (politely speaking) with your job, which decides whether this feeling is stronger or not. Mine? Pretty strong…

Since I came back from mat leave, with my family commitment I couldn’t contribute my full time into my work. So in the very limited time, I had to prove the same capability as others who work full time. Not complaining here at all, its just the challenges I was ready to face before I came back to work.

However, there’s no way for me to gain the same opportunities to move forward (at least where I work at the moment), and that frustrates me simply because I know where I want to go but I keep getting pulled off from getting the relevant training. I can’t just leave things behind and go for it, even though I don’t know if I could get it.

Does this make any sense to you all? Hope it does, otherwise its just me mumble jumbling to myself. That’s the moment I wish I had the courage to just quit and move on! Where was that risk-taker in me? Maybe my mother character is in an dominant position that I want to limit the risk as much as I can to create a stable and comfortable environment for little Zonni to grow. But in this peaceful space, a mother with the urge to explode anytime and frustration to spread around all the time would she be suitable to boost the positive energy and healthy vibe?

I doubt that.

I’m at the cross road, where the phase of got-nothing-to-loose no longer exists. The least I can do at the moment is being a good mother (well hopefully), a loving wife and a responsible staff member. Other things? Quote my smart hubby:” one thing at a time.” Change a bit, one small thing at a time, nothing major, just small things would be enough for me to work on.

Start with making a nice dinner tonight, fried rice with a  fried egg and capsicum, soup will be Bok Choy and mushroom soup. And dinner with my little family at the dinning table will be one thing I’m looking forward to.


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